When Life Hands You Lemons (reprise): A Random Saturday Morning Marathon

Distance: MARATHONNNNNNNN (26.22)

Previous PR: 4:17:43 (Chicago, 2016)

Result: 4:03:46

 Hey, y'all, remember this:

Pre-"Race" Thoughts:

Two days ago, I decided I was going to run a marathon today.

Why? Because, within twenty four hours, I went from having two highly functioning ears to being profoundly (and very likely permanently) deaf in my right ear (SSHL).

To have something so permanently life-altering come out of NOWHERE... Well, let's just say that dealing with changes in what's for dinner because we're missing an ingredient is hard for me to accept, so you can imagine how I'm handling this. 

My training partner had 17mi on her schedule. I'd missed her long 22mi run last week because I was sick in bed. I decided that all I wanted to do was run this s__t out. Maybe I'd do the 22 I'd missed. Maybe I'd say "nah, let's go all the way". I just felt this incredible need to push my body to do something amazing, to prove to myself I was still capable of something, to have control over something... when everything else felt like a freefall. 

I'd never planned on actually running a full marathon this training cycle (my training partner is doing Berlin in a few weeks, but I've really just been training alongside her "for support"), but this just kind of felt right. I haven't run in about a week since I've been sick. That counts as a taper, right? Should be fine... 

Goals

I thought about making this a real "race report", with my 90/50/10% goals, but, truly, I didn't even know if running the full distance (at any pace) was a 90% or a 10% goal until I was about 10mi in this morning.

90% Sure I could run the 17 with my partner, at a respectable pace
50% Sure I could do 20
10% Sure I could do the full marathon, or would even want to

Ultimately, I settled on these, if I was able to run the full distance:
90% Goal: 4:45
50% Goal: 4:30
10% Goal: 4:15

The Night Before

I took the day off work because I couldn't possibly focus on buildings when, at least once an hour, I'd have a thought about how being deaf in one ear will affect my life that sent me into hysterical crying. All I wanted to do was Google everything I possibly could about this new diagnosis, and just let my feelings take priority over everything else. 

I didn't really prepare myself very well at all for a marathon. By 4pm, the only things I'd eaten were a sandwich and latte at brunch with husband at 10:15am. I tried to find some motivation to make tomorrow feel like a marathon, and made a half-baked attempt at my usual pre-26.2 meal of frozen macaroni and cheese (for the sodium), ham, and broccoli. I barely made my calorie count for the day, thanks to an old-fashioned on the side. 

We stayed up later than I wanted with family game night. I found myself distracted with sniffles (sick? just residual from so much crying? who knows...), and thoughts of how I really hadn't prepared at all for the run tomorrow. 

I took a few minutes before bed to layout some clothes, KT tape (to prevent chafing between my sports bra and back), and an old pace band I never used from my last real marathon race (Chicago, 2016). I threw some Gatorades in the freezer, and decided I would run the 3-4mi down to the river to meet my training partner, just to get some extra distance banked. Then I went to bed, and tried to sleep with the constant ringing sounds I'll likely have forever in my newly deaf ear. 

The "Plan"

4:25am Run 3-4mi solo down to the river

5:00am Meet Training Partner for her 2mi WU
5:20am Training Partner begins 12-15mi @ MP. I run.
7:30am-ish Training Partner and I finish her run. My husband and kids meet me for the last 10K, assuming I feel like it
8:30am-ish Family hangout time at the playground

Course? Nope. We didn't really have that planned out. My TP had a loose route planned, and I just kind of figured I'd keep running after that however far I wanted to. 

The Morning Of

I woke up at 3:30am, 15min before my alarm, and came to the realization that there was no way I could get everything I needed down to the river, because I was running from the house. There went my plan of having a couple water/Gatorade bottles "on course" and a snack for after the run. Whoops.

I had thoughts of going for a 4:15 (previous PR=4:17), but the only pace band I could find was 4:10. That seemed... ambitious. Like, 10% goal ambitious. While It's totally within my training range and something I can physically do, it's not at all what I wanted to stress about today. Still, I tried to put on the 5 year old tattoo. It didn't work. I scraped off the two small pieces that stuck to my skin, and casually gazed at the 9:3X first mile pace and 2:05 half. 

Today was about overcoming something for me. One of the things I saw in a support group for people with my condition (SSHL) was a tattoo idea of the American Sign Language sign for "I love you". 

So I took some reflective tape and made the same design on my sports bra for the morning.

I threw a couple Gatorades in my shorts' side pockets, mace and a whistle in the waistband, and a whole bunch of honey stingers in my handheld, and headed off, for whatever the morning held in store.

The Run

Miles 1-3: These felt harder than I wanted them to, but I was pretty pleased that I was keeping around a 9:30/mi pace. At this point, I wasn't sure if I wanted to try to join my TP for her MP miles (but keep them more like a 9-9:15) or just play it safe and hit solid 9:30s for as long as I could. 

Miles 4-5: I slowed a bit on these (9:55ish), to let my TP warm-up. We enjoyed nice chatter, with her fully aware of my situation and kindly positioning herself on my left, so I could hear her as we ran. 

Miles 6-10: I opted against joining her for her MP miles. If I could just hold a 9:30, I thought, that would give me my best chance for the long run I wanted. I enjoyed running essentially alone through the dark pre-sunrise roads, thinking about anything and everything. 

Miles 10-13: As I closed in on 13, I realized I felt great. I hit just under the 2:05 mark, and it was here that I started seriously thinking, "OMG, I can do this. I can run a marathon today, AND I can probably hit a PR." Such a contrast to the last marathon I raced (Chicago, 2016), where I felt spent at the half, and was already just over my goal pace. Having several minutes "banked" where I could positive split (on a flatter/easier part of this course) really helped me, mentally.

Miles 13-18: I hit the lap button at 13.11 on my left wrist watch, and decided I would just look at my average pace to guide me for the rest of the run. I knew I was already well under 9:30 for the first half, so if I could just hit around 9:30 for the second, I'd have it made. My average pace for these miles was closer to a 9:20. 

I did have one moment of absolute terror on this run, where my good ear started hearing screeching, ringing noises, that just kept getting louder and weirder. I kept looking around, hoping to see the source. For about half a mile, I started believing that whatever happened in my right ear was happening in my left, which was really crippling. It kept getting louder, too. And then I saw a sad little car dragging part of its body along the ground, at about 5mph, coming up behind me. I have never been so grateful to see a mangled car along the road, especially because the sounds all vanished from my good ear shortly after it was out of sight.. 

Miles 18-20: I re-joined my training partner around 18, and we chatted about how great I was feeling and how awesomely her miles had gone. While we only ran "together" for four miles today, I never felt alone. I could always see her lights up ahead, or know that, within a mile, we'd be passing each other on our multiple out-and-back route. It was reassuring to know that she was also "out there", pushing hard herself. 

Miles 20-21: Some route/schedule issues enabled me to run these miles solo, after dropping my TP at her car, but before I met up with my husband and kids. I've never felt this good at mile 20 of a marathon. I don't think I'd stopped smiling the entire back half of the run. Seeing that average pace on my watch hovering between 9:19-9:22 told me everything I needed: 

You're going to do this.

Miles 22-25.5: I joined up with my family for the last 4-5. It didn't feel like a race. It felt like just another Sunday Runday at the river, maybe one of my miler method tempo runs, though, where my husband let me go just enough ahead of him to hear the cheers, but not feel pressured to adjust to his pace. I felt so freaking strong at this point, and kept doing the mental math to see how close I could get to breaking 4:10 if I held a 10min pace for the rest of it.  ...and then realized I could go below 4:05 without too much effort.

Mile 25.5-26.2: This was a weird stretch. I run with both my Garmin and Polar watches (due to how they're hooked up with different rewards programs and social networks). My Garmin usually shorts me on distance (compared to both my Polar and my friends' watches when we run the same route together), and it was really important to me that I hit the full distance on both watches... even if they were almost a quarter mile off from each other.
I hit the distance on my Polar easily in 4:03:46, but had to push hard to get in on my Garmin (4:04:49).

That kick, tho

Splits

Reflections

I feel like there's more to say, but it'll have to come at another time. For now, here are the random things in my head:

I'm so proud that I was able to "just go run a marathon" this morning ...and PR by over ten minutes.

I'm a little bummed I didn't try harder from the start, because I totally had a sub-4 in me today. I felt amazing at the end, pushing a 7:00 pace for that last bit. I've never felt better during a marathon.

This Hansons-esque training that my TP's coach has us on is AMAZING. 

I'm really grateful for my family, my training partner, and the ability to still be able to run through this. Running has been such an incredible coping mechanism for me over the past 10+ years, and today was one more time that it really delivered. 

Race Report: C Mile Test #2

I've been wanting/trying to hit a 6-minute mile for four years. I've failed multiple times, for a variety of reasons, and been delayed by injuries, losses, pregnancy, and conflicting goals along the way. I failed again today.

I love the feeling of accomplishment I get from pushing myself outside my comfort zone. Doing hard things and constantly exercising my ability to prove I've got more in me than I ever imagined I did is so empowering. No matter what's happening in life, running always makes me feel like I'm in control of something. 

Every day I run, I've accomplished something. I'm training for something. I'm making progress on something. The point isn't to hurry up and arrive at a destination or hit a goal (though that can be nice sometimes). It's about enjoying the journey, the continual pursuit of improvement, and conquering the challenges along the way.

Today, I learned what it felt like to push myself to another level. 

Today was a great day. 

 

Previous PR: 6:06 (4/8/21, 10/25/20, 10/18/20)

90% Goal: 6:10
50% Goal: 6:04
10% Goal: 5:59
Result: 6:01 (PR!!!!)

 

so grateful for these women

training partner + coach <3 

Training:

Two weeks ago, I finished up a six-week plan designed by my friend and coach, which included: 5-6 runs a week (1 day w/hills or strides, 1 beastly track workout, 1 fartlek/tempo, 1 long run day, and 1-2 easy, short run days) with 30-40mpw.

 

On Mile Trial day, I wasn't "in it", mentally, physically, or spiritually... and ran yet another 6:06 (at that point, I had THREE 6:06 mile attempts in a row, with one 6:09 preceding them). 

 

all about that 6:06, evidently...

 

 

While I wasn't disappointed by the work I didn't put in that day (and, honestly, was pretty pleased that a "bad day" yielded such a consistently strong result), I did want another go at it.

 

...so Coach had me repeat the last two weeks of the plan and try again.

 

 

Before:

It's been another kind of rough week at work, and my littlest hasn't been sleeping well. That's actually worked out well, because I haven't had any time to stress about the mile, or overthink it at all. I've done well with my nutrition (thanks to strategically timed grocery trips, meal planning/prepping, and not having any down time to munch mindlessly). I cut out strength training for the past week because it was "one more thing" to think about that I didn't have the bandwidth for. 

 

Similarly, I've let my evenings be a little more chill, choosing to binge The Queen's Gambit with my husband after the kids go to bed (which really just involves me falling asleep on his chest after about 20min, but it works for us) instead of reading code books (for work), trying to catch up on personal communication, fitting in strength workouts, or trying to execute anything for my multitude of other hobbies/organizations like I usually do in that 30-60min timeframe. 

 

I felt good when I woke up (at 3:45, because that's how my body rolls these days), laid in bed for a bit, and then go myself going for our 5am start time (much later than usual so that our coach could join in the fun). 

 

The weather was perfect... well, almost. After several weeks of mornings in the 50s and 60s, today was a rare 33 degrees with 2-3mph winds. It was just a liiiittle on the chilly side, but I was really happy about the cold snap. I run much better in 30s-40s than I do in the warmer weather. 

 

I met my training partner (who literally got up just to run a bit for fun and cheer for me) and my coach (who I don't think I've seen for any significant length of time in well over a year), and took a moment to be grateful to have these two amazing people in my life, who were literally only awake and here because they wanted to support me. 

 

We ran an easy two mile warm-up, talking a little about pacing/goals. My goal today was not to run a 6:00 mile, or even to PR, but rather to run (3) consecutive 90s laps, and then see what was possible on lap 4. 

 

I chose this goal for a few reasons:

1) I've gone out hot and crashed/burned on multiple past mile attempts

2) Why not try something different?

3) Seeing today as an "execution" trial of hitting splits instead of a "RUN A FAST MILE" helped me SO much, mentally

 

Coach was planning on pacing me through the first 800m, and then said she'd see what she could do. All I had to do, she said, was stay with her- let her do the work, but stay with her. 

 

 

Mile:

Lap 1 

This lap felt good, just like I thought it would. I loved not having to think about my watch, or my pace. I remember thinking about glancing down at one point, and, before I could, Coach's voice announced our first 200m split: "45- doesn't get any better than that!"

 

I stayed right on her shoulder through all of it. Around the 300m mark, I saw the back of her singlet: big white letters that said: "YOU GOT THIS", and almost commented aloud. Then I thought better of it, because she'd probably just chastise me (rightfully so) for talking. ;) 

 

We crossed the line just as my teammate said "90, 91". 

 

Lap 2 

This lap was harder, but also still manageable. I was able to stay on Coach's shoulder, and just execute. As we crossed the line again, hearing another "90" from my teammate, I prepared for my Coach to drop off, leaving me to the last half solo... but was so happy to see her continue. I think she knew I needed it.

 

Lap 3 

The third lap of the mile sucks. You're exhausted from the first bit, and it's hard and you don't want to keep doing it. I started falling off of Coach's shoulder around the 100m mark of this lap, and she instantly knew it, and picked up the vocal support with things like:

 

Don't give up.

You look strong. Stay strong.

Dig deep. 

You can do this.

 

I wanted to stop. I wanted to give up. Around the 200m turn, I actually wanted to stop so badly that I started imagining maybe just falling/collapsing on the track. If I fell to the ground, maybe that would be a valid reason to stop? But Coach's "don't give up" was just the message I needed to hear. It might not have mattered if I gave up on myself, but I didn't want to let her down, and that was what got me through the last 200m of that lap.

 

"88," said my teammate as we crossed the line.

 

"OMG, OMG. I'm doing it," I thought.

 

Lap 4

This was the lap I was waiting for. I'd made it through the "hard part" of the race, and now I just had to get around the track one more time. 

 

...and it was HARD. 

 

Coach kept right on with me, and I tried so hard to stay with her, but I was behind, just barely behind, but behind. I knew I wanted to be able to kick, but I couldn't kick yet, because I couldn't hold it for a full lap. 

 

Don't give up.

 

I couldn't make up the distance I'd lost on her (only a about 3-4 strides, but still distance), but I didn't let it grow. With 200m to go, I'd hoped to be able to kick. We were at 5:18. 42s to go. I could do it, but I'd have to GO.

 

I knew I couldn't keep a kick for 200, though, and waited until I'd gotten through the curve to start the kick. Spoiler alert: that might not have been the right call. 

 

I'd hoped to catch Coach on the last straightaway, but it didn't happen. I did, however, kick my little heart out, pushing as hard as I could for that 100m stretch.

 

LOOK AT THAT BEAUTIFUL KICK.

 

...and then, for the first time ever, I laid down on the track, absolutely spent. 

 

 

 

Post-Mile Reflections:

I lapped my watch at 6:01. You might argue that I got my 6:00 mile today. Maybe it took me a second to cross and press "lap"? Our timer (splits below) lapped her watch at 6:02. Maybe she started it early or lapped it late? Or maybe not, and I ran more like a 6:04. Whatever the time is/was, I don't really care. I've used my Garmin for ever mile, relying on my own lapping skills for my "official" times, and I'm calling today a 6:01 based on that. 

 

Whatever the absolute number, though, it's a solid five second PR, and that's huge on a mile. 

 

More importantly, though, I rocked the execution:

 

recall the first lap had the extra 9m too, which means it was a 90s

 

I'd wanted a 3:00-3:01 800m. Nailed it. 

I'd wanted to stick that pace for a third 400m. Nailed it.

 

I'd wanted to give it all I had on the last 400m, whatever that was.

Laying on the track after the mile, I didn't think I could have gone any faster.

 

 

About a minute after I got up, I was already having, "I wanna do that again. I can go faster" thoughts. 

 

 

 

More Reflections:

• Getting to come home, tell my kids what I did, and having the little one say "Mommy fast Mommy fast Mommy fast" while the older one double high-fived me and did a little "YOU DID IT, MOMMY" happy dance/song was literally the best. The older one's been aware of my training enough to know I've "failed" the last few times, but persisted, and was truly proud of me. 
• I am so proud of my execution today, and so grateful for my friends who were able to be there with me (and those who I talked to before/after online, too)
• If I didn't give up today because I was afraid of letting someone else down, imagine what I could do once I'm doing it 100% for myself. 
• I've learned so much through this mile training process over the past four years, and I'm truly grateful to be continuously developing as a runner. There's always something new to learn, another method to see how to I react to (mentally and physically), different styles and executions, and constant new challenges. There's always something to work on, and always something to reach towards, but also always something to celebrate. 
• For me, running, began as a way to lose weight, fight depression, and feel a little less guilty about eating so many Nilla wafers. It's turned into the single biggest source of self-confidence in my life, teaching me about diligence and commitment, introducing me to my best friends, and improving my health and well-being along the way. 
• Yay, running. 

 

6:01, y'all. :D 

 

literally burned a hole in my shoes today

guess it's time to retire this pair...

 

 

What's Next?

Um, idk... Trying not to run tomorrow? lol. 

 

I'm actually looking forward to some long easy miles in the near future. Maybe I'll try another 10x10 challenge? 

 

Miler Method #4: 800m Time Trial

MM#4: 800m Time Trial

Scheduled: 

• 15-20min WU
• 4x70m pickup strides (faster than MP), catch breath
• 2x200m @ goal 800m pace (0:40s with 2:30min recovery)
• 5-10min rest, then 800m (2:40=1:20/400m = 0:40/200m = 0:20/100m)
• 10min CD
• 2-3x Strength

Did: mostly as scheduled, 4.48mi @ 9:13/mi avg, plus 2x Strength

I had a very fitful night of sleep, waking up a handful of times in the night, anxious about the trial. Blergh.

The last time, when I saw 3:45am on my clock, I figured it was close enough to my 4:05 alarm that I might as well get up. My legs were not awake, but my glutes felt much better than they have the past few days. Hooray, yoga/stretching. 

Warm-up

It was chillier than usual today (53), so I actually had to look at my "what to wear" spreadsheet to figure out what would be comfortable. I opted for shorts, calf sleeves/socks, and a singlet, with a light long sleeve for the warm-up/cool-down, and an earband. This was a good call. 

I could tell when I drove up that the lights were already on at the track. This was NOT a good sign. The track is usually pitch black. Now we had to worry about being kicked off by the school. :/ 

My training partner and I opted to warm-up on the roads instead today. If there was a chance we'd only have 5min of time on the track, we wanted that to be used for our 800m time trials, not for warm-up. 

The warm-up was hilly, but nice. My legs still didn't feel totally warmed up as we headed to the track for the workout, but I reassured myself by remembering I never feel completely warmed up. 

Strides

I hate being on the track when the lights are on. I feel so... exposed, like a fish in bowl. Plus, there's always the fear that football practice is going to start, people will show up, and we'll be asked to leave. 

Seriously, why are the lights on at 4:45am?!?!

I did my strides, trying to let my legs remember how to turn over, thinking about "greasing the wheels" instead of "using up fuel". I don't know what pace I did them at, or exactly how far I went, but attempted to do about 3/4 between the track's 100m marks, slowly making my way around the oval, with little recoveries in-between. 

2x200m

I knew these were supposed to be at 0:40, and I also knew I could do that. I did the first in 39, and it felt HARD. That's okay, though, it's supposed to hurt. 

I was supposed to take 2:30 recovery, but didn't remember that and only took 90s. 

The second one was exactly 40s. OK, cool. Now, just do that four times.

After the 200s, I was supposed to take 5-10min rest. Between worries of getting kicked off the track and neither my training partner nor I remembering this step (we recalled the "catch your breath" instruction, which was supposed to separate the strides from the 200s, instead), I only ended up taking three minutes to recover before the time trial. 

800m

My coaches advised me to try to hit the first lap in 85s, aiming for 2:48 (much more comfortable of a stretch goal than the original, rough estimate of "800m @ MP, subtract 20s").

When I started off, though, I had the original 2:40 "goal" in my head. I didn't think it was a realistic goal for me, but I also wanted something to strive for that would make me push as hard as I could. 

Let's start with the positives:

• No injuries.
• I ended up running the fastest 800m I've ever run. (wooo, PR)
• My splits were consistent/I was able to hone in on a pace and keep it
• I had a little left in the tank to kick.
• We did NOT get asked to leave the track.
• I learned what NOT to do. 

So, what went wrong? In a word, self-sabotage. In addition to not letting myself recover enough from the strides/200s, I did a really silly thing that I'm so embarrassed to admit:

I thought it was a good idea to lap my watch every 100m so that, "after the trial", I could see how my pace changed over the 800m.

My husband's reaction, when I told him after the fact, was a facial expression I cannot even begin to describe, and an incredulous: "YOU LAPPED YOUR WATCH EVERY 20 SECONDS?!?!?"

Erm... uh... yes. 

When you put it that way, it sounds just as ludicrous as it was/is. That meant every 20s, I was thinking about reaching across my body, then interrupting my stride/form to find and push a button, before returning to form. While it's not like I stopped to press the button, I'm certain this impacted my time by at least 2-3s because I was thinking about lapping my watch and going through those motions for a good portion of the very short time I was running... instead of, y'know, just running fast.

...but I have data?

(totally NOT worth it)

I could have had my partner record my splits, or only lapped at the 400m... or just realized there was no actual reason I needed this data whatsoever and NOT WASTED ANYTIME. :P

The run itself was tough. It hurt a bit at times, but I think I was more concerned about:

1) trying to listen for noises of people coming to use the track/tell us to leave

2) when my next stupid lap button press had to happen

3) "saving some" for the next lap, next 200m, whatever

than running as fast as I could. 

It was far more challenging mentally than physically for me, which I think is true every time I run a hard mile. I felt the same sort of "concrete block" feeling that I had during the West End Mile in 2017, where I knew I could go faster, but my body wasn't doing it.  My legs also felt like jell-o at times. Lots of feelings, and lots of mental distractions. 

That said, I still had something "in the tank" to kick a bit on my last 100m, which was a nice feeling. 

Actual Time: 2:51.3 (i.e. I totally could've/should've hit 2:48...)

Reflections

Despite PR-ing today, I'm not nearly as satisfied as I should be. I had a lot of distractions and poor choices that contributed to not running my best. Still, I think I've learned a lot from today's exercise that'll help me on the mile in two weeks. 

Oh, and I got my strength circuits done post-run, too. (sidenote: the planks were much harder than usual)