Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Race Report: Atlanta 10 Miler (and Cardiac Challenge)


Previous PR: 1:30:40 (2014)
Goals: Top 100 Mug

No goals for 10 Miler itself. Instead, I focused my efforts on the Cardiac Challenge, a "race within a race" where the top 50 men and top 50 women down Peachtree's infamous "Cardiac Hill" get a special mug.

I actually didn't even have any time goals for the Cardiac mile... which I weird. 

Result: 1:23:56 (10 Miler), 6:21 (Cardiac-- 10th place overall female, and a mug)

Training: 
I literally did zero training specific to this race. I made zero modifications to the content of the half marathon training program, but did opt to shift my normal speedwork day from Thursday to Tuesday this week. 

Pre-Race:
It. Was. COLD. Temperatures lately have been in the 50s or 60s. Yesterday, was in the 60s. Today, it was 42 degrees, 10mph winds, and a "feels like" of 36 to 38. We had a whole crew of us chasing the Cardiac dream this year, and the night before was full of messages between us all regarding what we were planning to wear. 



It felt good to be a part of a team this morning, with all of us working towards the same goal, starting together, and agreeing to wait until the last of us crossed the finish of the hill challenge before continuing. We had a huge pace spread (over 90s) in our mile goals, but that didn't matter in the warm-up. It felt so uplifting and empowering to be striding behind, next to, and in front of my teammates for those first few miles, shivering in the wind, and encouraging each other on.

I'd thought I wasn't going to want to (or even be able) to run the 8:30s off the line that the experienced part of the crew had planned on. But that turned out not to be the case. I let the team's strength pull me along and clocked sub-9s for those first few miles. 

And then we hit the hill. It came sooner than I'd thought. I could see the orange markers for the start and readied myself, knowing the first 200-300m was going to be uphill. 

Cardiac Mile:
The first uphill was harder than I wanted it to be. I spent those 300m focusing on digging down and drawing on all my frustrations and failures this year, imagining stomping on all of them with each step up the hill. I focused on my breathing and tried not to look at my watch too much to see how far we were. I think I had around a 1:40 quarter spilt, and was a bit disappointed by that, until I reminded myself that had been the uphill part. 

Time to fly. I'd asked our coach for her advice on running downhill last week. "Imagine unhinging your hips and just letting your legs turnover," she'd told me. I did that once in training last week and it felt good. Today, it felt even better. I was able to relax enough to get good turnover and just let it go. 

I wished I'd run the course before today, just to have an idea of what the elevation was like. I knew from elevation charts there was an uphill, downhill, level-to-up, and then a second downhill, but had no idea how those pieces fit with the distance.

Cardiac is the big down hill between 17:11 and 25:05


I finished with a 6:19 split on my watch (6:21 officially). Not what I know I'm capable of, but a pretty good run for fueling with Old Fashioneds and half a Hawaiian pizza the night before. I felt pretty certain I'd done enough to get a mug and, if not, I was at least pleased with how I'd done. 

Rest of the Race:
I'd thought we were all going to be taking it easy for the last seven miles of the course. Well, turns out "easy" is a relative term. We all reunited at the base of the hill, and then kept running. WHAT. This is not what I signed up for.

Yet, somehow, I let myself be pulled along. It was kind of nice to see the next mile marker and have one of my super strong teammates be the one to voice the "SERIOUSLY? ONLY MILE 4!?!?" thought that was in my head. 

We stuck together as more-or-less of a pod for the next mile, and then gradually broke off to whatever our own "easy pace" was for the day. Eventually, I found myself with in a pack of three, and then just two, with two othe
r teammates a little head of us, but still in sight. 

By mile 7, we'd caught the next-fastest teammate and joined with him for the climb out of Piedmont, and the dreaded stretch of Juniper (55:02 through 1:08ish in the screenshot above). This is brutal any day of the week, but, today, it felt like this strange bit of exactly what I needed. 

I promise, I was actually running faster than it looks...


On the next downhill, I picked up enough speed to catch, and then pass, my teammates, and something inside me clicked into a different gear. I started thinking about all the struggles I've had this year, how there's just been one thing after another that has kicked me down just as I might be getting back up, how I've worked so hard to put in all the right effort and plan all the right actions, and gotten nothing but one failure after another.

And then I was crying, choking on my breath as I clocked a mile near 5K PR pace.

You hear a lot about running being therapeutic, about "running it out". Every stride forward felt like I was running away from this terrible dark cloud that's been hanging over my life this entire year. Every step I took was a powerful stomp down on a demon reaching up to pull me down. I tried to channel all of the hurt, anger, and fear I've felt over the past months and run away from all of them. 

I ran with abandon. For the first time in my life, I ran without consideration for burning out, for the next hill ahead, or the miles left until the finish line.

I had teammates around me. One a good bit in front, who'd motioned her hand when she had passed me in a "come on, come with me gesture". One just in front of me, who, just like always, had positioned himself (by design or coincidence) at just the right distance to give me enough space to feel alone while not being along. These people inspired me just by being there. Rather than the "invisible strings" pulling me along that I usually feel in situations like this, this time I just felt warm energy from each of them: they were little bright spots in a field of hundred of other runners; they were little lights in a world of darkness. 

I crossed the line at a sub-7 pace, found my husband, and collapsed into him, my whole body wracked by sobs. I was completely spent. 





Post-Race:
We went over as a team to see the results of the Cardiac Challenge. My name was on the list, not just one of the top 50 women, but the top ten. When they handed me my victory mug, I cried again. That mug symbolized the first victory I've had in my life since February. 

such an honor to be part of this incredible "girl gang"

Jerry's earned five mugs over the past few years for various ATC races
Today, I made my first contribution to our family collection

#team


Reflections:
One of my teammates told me she hoped this mug meant my luck and my life are finally going to turn around. Maybe it does.




"Maybe there’s a reason to believe you’ll be okay
‘Cause when you don’t feel strong enough to stand
You can reach, reach out your hand
And oh, someone will coming running"

Saturday, October 20, 2018

Thanksgiving Half: Week 6/11

Week-beginning Thoughts:
Thankful to be running. 

Monday
Scheduled: rest
Did: rest


Tuesday
Scheduled: 1mi WU, 2x2mi/800, 1mi CD
Did: as scheduled, 7mi total @ 8:37/mi, Big 5
Today's run was powered by yet another month of disappointment. I had no real plans of any sort of pace for the 2mi repeats. When asked, I said "maybe 8:30s". Turns out, feeling absolutely inept as a woman and powerless to get your life on the track you want when you've had a year full of unanticipated major life plan changes that are completely out of your control is a GREAT way to yield fast speedwork paces. 

WU: 9:51/mi
2mi: 7:53/mi
800m: 9:34/mi
2mi: 7:49/mi
800m: 10:07/mi
CD: 9:13/mi


Whelp. I ran through the soles of my shoes today.


Wednesday
Scheduled: 5mi easy
Did: 5mi @ 9:17/mi, Big 5, 2mi walk, massage
Easy run with the girls. Kind of funny to see how consistently I've been around a 9:17/mi avg on most Wednesday runs this training cycle. Been having some knee issues, but seems like a massage + sleeping with my old knee brace should sort them out. 


Thursday
Scheduled: 5mi easy
Did: 4.13mi @ 9:30/mi avg, Big 5
Whelp, planned on 5, but my alarm didn't go off... again. Grrr, phone software updates messing with the single most important feature of my phone. Literally went from eyes open in bed to out on the street in my running clothes in six minutes, though, so I'm pretty proud of that. Another nice, easy run with my training partner. 

Also, knee = fine today. 



Friday
Scheduled: strength, yoga
Did: yoga
I got up at 4:30 today and had a beautiful hour to myself to feed the cats, do some laundry, get out Halloween decorations, and do thirty minutes of some sort of activity. After ten push-ups (real ones!), I opted to spend the rest of the time engaged in some meditative yoga. This week has sucked in a lot of ways, and I needed some calm energy. At least it's Friday. 


Saturday
Scheduled: easy 2
Did: 2.59mi @ 8:12/mi avg, Big 5 
I'd been really excited to make this a family morning of running and cheering at the track club, but J came down sick yesterday, so it was just me and the kiddo. It was pretty cool to be able to run lead while pushing the stroller, though. Found myself running a bit faster than I'd planned... but it felt good, so that should bode well for tomorrow's race.

...and then we went to packet pick-up for the 10 Miler


Total Weekly Mileage: 18.83 (excludes tomorrow's anticipated 10)


Week-ending Thoughts:
At the Atlanta 10 Miler tomorrow, I'll be doing something completely different: running a 2mi warm-up, racing as fast as I possibly can for a 1 mi, mostly downhill stretch, and then finishing off with a 7mi run/walk/slog/whatever I can muster across the finish line. I haven't trained for a downhill race. I haven't trained for a hard, fast mile. I've spent today as an emotional train wreck, and chased an Old Fashioned with half a box of Hawaiian pizza. Here's to "letting things go" and enjoying the ride. 



Wednesday, September 19, 2018

When life hands you lemons...

...sign up for a marathon. 


Image result for wait what gif

^pretty much my reaction when my husband suggested it last night



Actually, I think my exact response was, "That seems kind of impulsive."





I plan everythIng out in advance, like, we're talking really far in advance. So, the idea of spontaneously adding a marathon to my six month plan sent me into a bit of an anxious spiral. I've had plans for another marathon for quite awhile now, but wasn't supposed to be until after we'd had another baby; I was going to use marathon training as a way to get back in shape. 

2018 has been the worst year of my life, full of struggles, losses, and challenges I'd never imagined I'd have... and they've all pretty much happened in startlingly rapid succession. 


Exhibit A: 150+ mile months for the past four months
(recall the longest thing I've been training for is a 10K)
basically, I've been running the crazy out

The more my husband and I talked about the idea of a marathon, and what I get out of training for one, the more I agreed with him. My body's been handling marathon mileage (minus the >13mi long runs) for the past four months. Our life has been handling the marathon mileage for the past four months. Running has been the biggest thing keeping me sane through all of this, and the challenge of committing so fully to something might just be the distraction I need to let go of everything else in my life that's out of control. 

I've run two marathons, each of them for different reasons. I ran Flying Pig (2014) to do something I once thought was impossible ('when pigs fly"). I learned so much about myself from that first bout of training, from pushing myself beyond my limits. That marathon was truly about just covering the distance, nothing more. I ran Chicago (2016) for redemption. I wanted to actually train for a marathon, and have my finish time be more indicative of my abilities. That marathon was a celebration of what my body and mind were capable of, as well as a way to prove to myself that I could be a mother without losing the athletic part of myself. 

If I do a Spring 2019 marathon, it would be for catharsis, a way to bury the challenges of 2018, and come out the other side stronger. Sure, I could just train for the distance and not have a race, but there's something really appealing about all of those miles and weeks of training culminating in a single event. I'm still searching for closure on so many things, and this seems like it might be an ideal path towards that. Whether it happens sooner or later, after an interruption, I think the next marathon line I cross will enable me to put a lot of this behind me.




Sunday, September 2, 2018

Sizzler Training: Week 8/8

Week-beginning Thoughts:
"We start with stars in our eyes // We start believing that we belong // But every sun doesn't rise // And no one tells you where you went wrong" -Dear Evan Hansen

TGFRunning. Life has been kicking me a lot lately, and I'm grateful for the endorphins hit, camaraderie, and feelings of accomplishment and progress that my training affords me each and every day. 


Monday
Scheduled: rest
Did: rest
Today sucked.

Tuesday
Scheduled: 10mi easy, strength x 2
Did: 10.07mi @ 9:39/mi avg, Big 5
Monday sucked so much rhombus that I was actually eager to run double-digits this early, early morning. Couldn't sleep last night and was up at 3:50am ready to go. Despite it being 10KTuesday, I actually ended up running a lot of the miles "alone" today, hanging back from the group. I felt like taking my easy run easy, and that's just what I did. It was kind of nice to just run without talking, focusing on my breath, the same way I would if I ever made the time for yoga. 

I thought about trying to do the strength stuff when I finished, but, who am I kidding, if I plan on doing it after I come in from my run, it will not happen. I get too excited to see my family and too anxious about getting on with my shower/get-ready routine to be able to get out the door to work within 30min. 



Wednesday
Scheduled: rest
Did: rest
Today also sucked. I got a sports massage for my calves. That made it suck a little less. 


Thursday
Scheduled: 15min WU, drills, strides, 10x200m/60s (5@goal pace, 5 faster), 15min CD, circuit x 1
Did: as scheduled = 5.15mi @ 9:26/mi avg, Big 5, yoga
Couldn't sleep for stress last night again. Grateful for my teammates this morning. Had a bit of an adventure when we arrived at the track and found it was partially under construction. Did some creative 200m repeats, all of them felt SO easy at my goal pace, so I ended up quite a bit under.

Had some time to myself this evening so I took the opportunity to breathe, and spent five minutes on a very mindful yoga practice. Not much, but it's a start.



Friday
Scheduled: 4mi easy
Did: 4mi @ 9:50/mi avg, 3xcircuits, Big 5
Opted out of a group run this morning in favor of catching up on all the sleep I've missed due to stress this week. That was the right call. Still got my miles in solo on the treadmill, and treated myself to watching some trashy Netflix while doing it. Followed up with those strength and core circuits I've neglected to do during the first part of this week. 


Saturday
Scheduled: rest
Did: yoga
This was a great morning: no-alarm wake-up followed by 30min of yoga. 


Sunday
Scheduled: 2mi + strides 
Did: as scheduled = 2.46mi @ 9:33/mi avg, Big 5
Today I woke up nervous about running two miles because I "hadn't run in forever". Y'all, it had been about only 50 hours since my last run. lol. It's amazing how a single Saturday off can feel like a week without running.

Two miles felt easy, though I did have a small tight spot in my right calf that started off as a bit of a nuisance but let up a half mile in. Strides felt good and easy. 

..and that's a wrap for this training cycle


Total Weekly Mileage: 21.98

Week-ending Thoughts:
22mi/week? No wonder I feel like I haven't been running much. That's just a little over half of what I normally run. It's weird to be tapering for a 10K, but totally logical. 

I don't feel particularly confident about tomorrow, but I also don't feel particularly stressed. In so many ways, I still don't think about tomorrow as a goal race... which, considering my past performance when I do, is probably a good thing. I have no race plan. I have no goal splits. I'm just gonna start off the line, see what my pace shakes out to be, and hope I can hold it. 

8 Week of Training = Complete






Monday, July 16, 2018

Sizzler Training: Week 1/8

Week-beginning Thoughts
Can't remember. It's Thursday at 4:30am, and I'm just starting this blog. I can tell you that week-after-three-days thoughts include:
So tired.
Is this what marathon training was like?
Ughhhhhhh, life, you're killing me these days.


Monday
Did: 3.74mi @ 8:28/mi, Big 5
I don't remember what I'd planned on doing, but waking up to the unexpected death of a pet fueled this faster-than-planned run. Side note: breathing and running while crying is tough.


Tuesday
Scheduled: 6 easy
Did: 6.36mi @ 9:20/mi avg, Big 5
This ended up being like a 2mi WU, 3mi HA tempo, 1mi CD. Another faster than usual run. Just kind of felt like pushing a little. Had a little odd sensation in my R hammie, so I'll pay extra attention to that this week in my prehab routine.

Splits: 10:10, 9:32, 8:55, 8:52, 8:43, 9:34




Wednesday
Scheduled: Rest
Did: Core, 1/2mi walk
Rest day= sleep in. Yayayayay! Did one round through the core circuit for funsies, and a short walk at dinner because I can't handle sitting all day.



Thursday
Scheduled: 8mi easy
Did: 8.08mi @ 9:52/mi avg, Big 5
Sweet, sweet easy mileage. I still don't think we were as slow as the pace showed, though. B's watch had an extra tenth of a mile, putting us at 9:45/mi avg, which seems more reasonable. Hilly course, but, man, it felt good to get a long one in before work. 


Friday
Scheduled: rest
Did: 15min yoga
Two rest days a week? I don't know what to do with myself! Took advantage of sleeping in, starting the day with some yoga, and getting to the office early in hopes of taking off a bit early and having some time with my family to celebrate getting through a really tough week. 



Saturday
Scheduled: 7mi + 4x20s strides
Did: 7.56mi (include 4x20s strides) @ 9:52/mi avg, Big 5
Earrrrrrrly Saturday morning run. 4:30am start. I love being done early, but, man, this was a tough morning post-run. I just wanted to crawl back in bed post-shower and nap, but, life called. Run itself was good. Hilly, but good. Took it pretty easy (this multiple runs during the week over a 10K thing is weird), but enjoyed the strides. 


Sunday
Scheduled: 6 easy
Did: 6mi with stroller @ 9:23 /mi avg, Big 5, 2mi stroller walk
This was the biggest struggle of a run. I've been running slower than normal on most of my runs this week, and don't really know why. My husband's sick, so maybe I'm getting a little of that? This run went from slow, to unintentionally fast (after seeing 10:30 on my watch, I tried to pick it up so my average pace would be 930ish and overcompensated), to dead and just wanting to stop, but not wanting to bail on a workout, to just getting through it. Grateful to have my stroller buddy along on this one for sure! Clearly I shouldn't ever look at pace on a easy run; I was doing just fine! 


Total Weekly Mileage: 31.1 run, 5ish walk

Week-ending Thoughts: 
For a low-mileage week, I sure am beat. Guess that's a sign of how much life and work take out of you. On the bright side, diet has been MUCH better this week. Constantly re-balancing and re-prioritizing....