Race Report: Miler Method #4, Take 2

Knowing I'm physically capable of my goal time, but being held back by mental strategy/execution is a weird sort of purgatory...

Previous PR: 6:06 (10/17/2020)

90% Goal: 6:10
50% Goal: 6:00
10% Goal: 5:XX
Result: 6:06ish

Training:

This was a second take at a mile time trial following the six-week Miler Method bootcamp, with Coaches Sierra and Nick Willis. 

• 6 runs a week (1 hill or strides, 1 tempo + track intervals, 1 tempo, and 3 "easy" days)
• intermittent core/strength workouts (that I actually did most of this time around)
• ~35-40mpw
• one additional week with some easy running and some pacing drills three days out from the mile

Before:
After a whole lot of distractions going into my original mile trial last week, I made a conscious effort to prioritize myself and my running goals this week. I ate well. I thought about running a little bit every day. I planned my work week out (hour by hour) on Monday so that I could just execute tasks instead of having to expend energy figuring out what to do, how to do it, and prioritizing (note: this didn't actually work because my deadine was shifted again, but I didn't let that knock me off my game the same was I did last week). 

There's no wind forecast for "race day", but the temperatures are a good bit higher than they were last weekend (64 vs 48) and we've got 100% humidity and a chance of drizzle. I'm not too thrilled about this, but I'm also trying to remember that I ran a 6:08 earlier in the year, during July.... in Atlanta. Surely I can handle a little heat. 

I feel confident. I did a couple easy miles on the treadmill this morning (day before the mile) and felt so strong. My core felt engaged. My legs felt energized. I felt like I had all of this energy and enthusiasm inside just waiting to be unleashed. 

I'm also a bit nervous. What if I can't control that energy and I go out too fast. What if I aim for even splits, nail 90s each time, but then totally biff the last lap? What if, what if, what if... 

I want to write "I'm going to break 6 tomorrow" right now. But I'm scared to make a claim that I can't guarantee. I know I'm capable of it. This might be as confident as I've ever been about any race/time goal in my life, but writing it down is cocky, and then, if I don't get it... well, then it's embarrassing. 

Night Before:

Had tacos and a shot of bourbon (for luck), did some yoga, laid out my clothes, and set an alarm... Let's do this. 

Pre-Mile: 

I woke up at 3:45am, sans alarm, again, after a relatively good night of sleep. The warm-up felt... warm. While we didn't have any wind, it was 100% humidity and mid-60s, much warmer than last week. By the end of the 15min WU, I'd taken my singlet off, and was solidly moist. 

After my strides, I still didn't feel "ready", but I never truly do. My teammate lined up at mile start, and I jogged up to punch it at the line... and then, hearing "No" from her, stopped and turned around. 

"I said 'Go'," she said, confused. 

"Oh... I thought you said 'no', and hadn't hit your stopwatch yet.... sorry."

Mile:

Lap 1 a very manufactured 89s split (but probably more like 84-85s)

We had a second start, and this time the start was a bit off on my end since I wasn't sure I'd actually hit my watch at the line. It took me about 20m to verify it was good, and then hit my stride.

I hit the 100m in 19s. It should have been 22.5, if it were truly 100m (but it's a little longer with those extra ~9 for the full mile on a 400m track). In my head, I knew I was too fast, but let myself reason it away, saying that I always kick a little to start, but settle in. Plus, I'd had an 88s start last week, with wind, with a bad attitude, and still had a good time. I should be fine.

200m split: 41 (should have been 45)

I should have stopped here... taken a breath, maybe let my teammate run first, and then tried again... but that wasn't even a thought in my mind. Instead, I just kept running, thinking how easy this felt. 

As I came down the straightaway to close Lap 1, I shouted to my teammate to read the split times louder, since I couldn't hear her.

"81, 82, 83..."

Considering I was going for 90, I really should have stopped then. Instead, I kind of did a weird artificial slow-down to hit my first 400m in a far more reasonable 88-89ish seconds.

Lap 2 92s

I don't know why I didn't process in the moment that I'd completely overrun my time and what, exactly that was going to do to my last couple of laps. On Lap 2, I still felt good. I don't remember what my split was, but I think it was somewhere around 91-92. I also remember feeling vaguely pleased that I was "on pace" (cough, for that lap, cough).

Lap 3 96s

"Ugh, it's hot," I remember thinking on this lap. This is where it started to huuuuuuurt. Unlike last week, I couldn't "lean in" to this lap. It just sucked the whole way through. I felt myself spiraling downward, and knew it was gonna be a bad lap as soon as it started.... 96s. Ouch, there's no coming back from that one. 

Lap 4 ?

Still, I did what I could to try to slowly build that last 400. It was a lost cause, though. I hated every single second of that lap. I thought about cutting the course to make up time... but you can't cut the course on a track. lol. Even if I'd been able to, it wouldn't have done anything. Everything hurt, but I still tried to build effort, if not speed, throughout the last lap. 

My watch had 5:34 with a little under 200m to go. Knowing there was no way I was running a 26s 200m, it was hard to not just throw in the towel and jog it in... but doing that would mean I wouldn't know what that last bit felt like, so I kept going.

"Don't give up. This isn't going to be what you wanted, but you can still get something worthwhile out of it."

I didn't know what my time was when I crossed the line, but remember telling my teammate:

"Don't go out too fast. OMG, don't do it. It's the absolute worst."

If you ask my teammate, she had ~6:07 on her clock. I split my watch at 6:05.9. So, we'll call it 6:06ish. 

^how not to run a mile

Post-Mile Reflections:

I'll admit I was disappointed with how this run shook out. After a stellar performance on way too much bourbon, taco shells, poptarts, and an IDAFG attitude last week with wind, I had a ton of confidence going into this weekend.

...and, again, I proved to myself that I need to find something between those two extremes in terms of mental prep. I wasn't nervous about this "race". Truly, I thought I had it in the bag. Maybe I was so rarin' to go that I didn't let myself have the right sort of calm, collected approach that I end up with on my more carefree days. 

Whatever it was, I was absolutely amazed that I could run the same(ish) time as last week, and have it feel completely different. Last week didn't feel easy, but it felt strong, and hard in all the right aways. This week, it was just horrible. So much horrible, hard, and exhausting... all too soon. 

So, takeaways:

1. There might be something to that comment a friend made that:

 "Maybe that’s the trick, you train so well that you enter the goal race with an “idgaf” attitude and bam, PR. You say you always have your best races when you don’t care 😉"

2. I think I could benefit from having one of my faster friends pace me through the first 400m and the last 200m. I did this for my teammate today, and absolutely loved being able to keep her on pace (or, at the very least, show her how far ahead she was at the 200m and slow her down before it was too late) and then bring out a kick for her in the end. Either way, I could use some practice pacing myself. 

3. It's really satisfying to have the confidence to say "I can run a 6:00 mile" even though I haven't done it yet. It's also really frustrating to know that it isn't physical ability holding me back; it's mental. Physical ability seems like it's "easier" to handle. If you can't run that fast, then you can't run that fast, and there's something concrete that makes the goal unattainable for you right now. There's a reason it can't happen, and reason that can't just "go away" with some positive thinking. 

Knowing that the reason I haven't hit 6 yet is mental is harder for me. It's me holding me back. It kind of feels like I'm 16 again, learning how to drive, and I'm trying over and over again to keep my car on the driveway as I go around and around our little turnaround circle...  My parents are telling me "constant radius" over and over, reminding me that this is "simple", and there's nothing wrong with the car; it's me who has to figure out when to turn the wheel and when to STOP TURNING IT FURTHER. But, instead of finding the direction the wheel needs to go and holding it there, I'm messing with it the whole time, unable to settle in, over-correcting and under-correcting and, as a result, going all over (or off, rather) the path. 

My body's capable of a 6min mile. I just need to figure out how to execute it.

Next Steps:

I really want to try again soon, and get it done, cross this goal off of my list... but I also know that I need a bit of a break from these moving deadlines (man, both this one and work are just killing me right now. I hate not being able to cross anything off as "complete"). 

So, I'll take some time, enjoy getting back to my regularly scheduled long runs, instead of extending the "taper madness" for another week. Maybe I'll give it another go in early November on a day where I'm "feeling cute, might PR". Maybe I'll decide to do another round through the training plan I covered these past six weeks before trying again. I'm not sure yet, but I'll give it another go sometime. I'm capable of it...  I just have to get out of my own way.