More uncertainty

 The last run I had was July 19. 

On July 21, my HR spiked to 190 within the first couple miles of an easy run. I felt crappy, but and walked for a bit so it could calm TF down... then resumed running. It spiked back. This happened three times, and then I said "f--- it" and walked home.

...and then I took a three+ hour nap, and spent the rest of the day on the couch, exhausted. 

Since then, I've had incredible depression and anxiety while trying to figure out WTF I'm supposed to do now. For a week, I was "okay" and got 20min lifting/30min walks in each day, really committed to "just don't run"... but there was lots of stress from wondering if I was doing the right thing, if even that amount of exercise coupled with life and/or a three-day chorus retreat (where we rehearsed 6hr Friday, 15hr Saturday, and 4hr Sunday, with limited sleep) was going to set me up for another crash just as my husband went out of town for five days. 

So I hit up the medical community. Since mid-July, I've seen my PCP, gotten referrals for long COVID clinics, been rejected from several long COVID clinics (due to having an inconclusive PCR instead of a positive one), been accepted at some, had to wait WEEKS for appointments, etc. Right now, I've spent a small fortune on tests and appointments with Infectious Disease, Cardiology, and Pulmonology (despite never even having a cough or chest tightness during COVID), and have really nothing that's been identified as a cause. The best I've gotten was, "go ahead an workout, just listen to your body". 

Um, kay, I was... and I still crashed... I just paid how much to be told "figure our your own limits". As if I wasn't already doing that... I couldn't figure out a pattern, and my workouts never feel like I'm pushing myself, so, yeah, thanks for that...